I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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