I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
