I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
