The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
