seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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