Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
