i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
