Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
