I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
