dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
