I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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