So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
