I bet he comes in French.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
please come you make the beer taste better
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
why do cheetos always look like penises
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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