Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
