I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
