I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
