Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
