I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
