I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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