I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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