well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
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