I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize