Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
