D3 body, D1 cock
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
