is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
