i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
