dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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