you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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