I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
