i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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