My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
