He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
