I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
