Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
the gays at disneyland are vicious
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
