if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
