I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
