this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
