wat bout pragnant strippers??
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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