When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
