I accidentally had phone sex last night
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
