living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
