Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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