Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
