I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
