Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
