I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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