it was like fucking gandolphs beard
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
