This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
