i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i would punch a child for taco bell
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
