just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
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Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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