College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Can I color on your dick again?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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