FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
