omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
