Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Randomize
