do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
