Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize