I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize