just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm just crazy horny about you
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
