I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
