Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
