I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
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Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
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I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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