i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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