apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
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If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
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So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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