Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
