Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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