I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
