Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
