...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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