Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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