Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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