Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
FUCK WHALES
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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