They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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