One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
